


Coincidental Rescue Effort

by fringeperson



Category: Neko no Ongaeshi | The Cat Returns
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/M, I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote this and I know better now, Old Fic, but I'm not going to deny its existance just because it's old and bad, really shite ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27448216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringeperson/pseuds/fringeperson
Summary: Yuki didn't get to tell Haru about the Bureau, but that's alright, because the Bureau found out anyway...~Originally posted in '08
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I warn you again, this is Very Old Writing - and I haven't changed anything except a couple of typos.

"That has _got_ to be one of the most _peculiar_ dreams I ever had," he said as he rolled over in his bed, getting his quilt tangled up between his legs and tail in the performance of the action.

This is the bedroom at the back of the Cat Bureau, where the Baron sleeps. The lining boards are dusty green and the wallpaper is yellow with small orange flue-de-lies at regular intervals. The carpet is a colour somewhere between pink and yellow that looks a bit like the skin of a peach, it is also soft and deep, banishing any cold from the room. The mahogany bed is king-sized and has a mosquito net hanging above the scarlet and grey bedclothes. There is also a large wardrobe and a porcelain washbasin.

It is to the white washstand that the Baron now makes his way, intent on washing the sleep from his furry face and not-yet-bright emerald eyes. Cold water splashed over his face, shocking him into wakefulness before the icy stuff made its own dripping way down his neck and cream nightshirt.

Sufficiently revived, the felineous gentleman pulled off his nightshirt and replaced it with comfortable grey slacks and a shirt of cream-coloured silk. Grey socks were pulled on, covered with brown shoes, a dusty-blue bow tie was fiddled into correctness, and a fine vest was slipped on. The back was black satin, but the front was, today, a deep green with delicate gold embroidery around the collar.

Baron made sure his whiskers were exactly as they should be, combed his ears and, finally, put on his gloves. His top hat, tailcoat and cane all hung from a stand beside his desk where he could grab them quickly before leaving the house. He didn't wear these items of apparel inside his own house; it would be far too formal, even for him.

The main room of the Cat Bureau was just down the hall, but the kitchen was between his bedroom and it, so he sat down to breakfast – toast with marmalade and a glass of fresh juice. Doubling back to his bedroom, he brushed his teeth then went to open the door that would let him examine the contents of his shelves once again, searching for a book he had not read for a while.

Only, it wouldn't open. That could mean only one thing.

"Muta, wake up, you've fallen asleep against the door again," Baron yelled through the wooden barrier, giving the door a kick, trying to wake the old fatso who was jamming it shut.

Grunting could be heard, and shuffling and _then_ Baron was able to open the door and let himself into his office.

"You just ruined one of the nicest dreams I've ever had, Baron," Muta grumbled, padding over to sit on the divan, where he had fallen asleep the night before. How he had gotten over to the door was a mystery, even to the old fatso, yet it happened, and frequently, which was even worse.

"Oh yes?" answered the aristocrat, his tone non-committal as he shifted the stepladder to another section of shelf-covered wall.

"Yeah, I was swimming in catnip jelly, and a small boat with a pretty little kitten in was keeping up with me, and she was tossing cupcakes and cherries into my mouth," said the cat with an ego, temper, and most of all, _appetite_ to match his girth.

"Do you ever think of anything but food?" demanded a slightly harsh voice from the balcony window.

Both cats looked up to see Toto hopping through the window and onto the green-painted railing.

Baron sighed inwardly and wished for very probably the thousandth time that he could turn off his ears, just so that he wouldn't have to listen to Muta and Toto bickering. His gloved finger ran along the spines of his extraordinary collection of books as Muta's face scrunched in anger at the old adversary.

"Don't be such a birdbrain, of course I think about stuff other than food. I just happen to like _eating_ more than _gossip_ ," he answered, picking out almost every bird's weakness – the want to talk about anything and everything, all the time.

"If you two want to fight, please do it outside," Baron said quietly, selecting an old book with heavy, leather-over-wood covers. It had letters embossed in red on the front and spine, stating both title and author of the book. The orange cat poured himself some tea and sat down behind his desk, rather than in his favourite wingback chair; the book was heavy enough that it should be rested rather than held as it was read. He was about to open the cover when he realised that Muta and Toto _had_ gone outside. It was nice to know that his friends respected him enough to acquiesce to his appeal.

Baron stared at the pages as they passed before him. He couldn't remember any of this book, he couldn't even remember ever seeing it before, yet the story within was strangely familiar. Now and then, on a page thicker than the others, was an illuminated illustration, meticulously hand painted and also, hauntingly, familiar.

It was a very large book, a long tale and wonderfully written, but Baron found that he had to stop when he had read only half the story: the sun was going down. It was safe for him to go out into the world.

No one would see him in the dingy half-light of street-lights at night, and he had his own adventurous spirit that could not be quelled by reading of the adventures of others.

Toto and Muta were, not surprisingly, still fighting outside when he donned hat and coat and palmed his cane. However, it sounded like the topic of their argument had shifted from Muta's obsession with food and Toto's with the latest news – whether it was true or not. At least, perhaps, that meant one less thing for them to argue about the next day.

He left the Bureau, the refuge, and his bickering friends, behind.


	2. Chapter 2

The elegant figurine was just jumping the gap between two rooftops when he heard a brief shriek coming from the street a couple of houses to his right. He altered his course to see what was going on.

"Let me off!" It was a female voice, shaking with terror by the sound of it.

"Pre-wedding jitters should not let you ruin your life, Miss Haru," intoned a happy little voice, male, and travelling by the sounds of it.

"You really don't get it, do you?" the female voice demanded.

Baron could see the speakers now, a girl with brown hair and a patchy brown cat, riding on the collective backs of a magic carpet's worth of shadowy grey cats. The girl couldn't be more than fifteen years old, and she had the cat by the scruff of his neck.

As he ran along beside and above the covey of cats and their passengers, he saw the girl throw the brown cat into an alleyway, and start moving to get off the grey cats herself. The sight of more cats, painted khaki green, swarming around her – and one helping the brown cat back onto the mat of shadow felines – stopped her, however. Most of them had swords buckled to their waists, and, it was reasonable to guess, probably knew how to use them.

"Please Miss Haru, such actions are unbecoming to a future Princess of the Cat Kingdom," said the odd, floppy-eared brown cat. The tone like a tutor giving a lesson to an inattentive but favoured student.

"I don't _want_ to be a princess of the Cat Kingdom! I don't _want_ to marry a cat – even if he is a prince! I didn't _want_ to be thanked _at all_ for saving that stupid cat from being hit by a truck, except to _maybe_ find a box of chocolate on my porch," the girl yelled. Her tirade was impressive, as was the volume.

What struck Baron most though, apart from the girl's simple beauty when he caught sight of her face, was that no one had even stuck their head out the window to demand loudly for whoever was yelling to keep it down. Surely, he couldn't be the only one who had heard her? This seemed to be the case however. He decided to help, if he could.

When a blue portal opened up in a wall and the cats all ran through it, Baron's emerald eyes grew wide and he picked up his pace. If he didn't make that portal, he would loose them, and he couldn't afford that if he was going to try and help the girl. He jumped, slipping through the portal just in time.

The portal was a glowing blue tube on the inside. It just kept going, on and on. There seemed to be no way out, then the incandescent blue dissolved to show the world beyond. Baron knew, without having to be told, that if he didn't make it out right behind those cats, he could well be trapped within this tunnel, running forever to try and find the way out.

Again, he dived after the cats as the exit began to shrink behind them. He almost lost his hat, but was able to snatch it out of the portal tunnel before it was lost to him forever.

Looking about him in the suddenly noonday light, the Baron recognised cattails. Fields and meadows almost completely filled with nothing but cattails. There was a path, the path led to what looked like a castle, and there: the girl!

She had stopped screaming; it looked like she was staring about in wonder.

Baron did not, for one second, blame her. At the same time, however, her continued protest would probably have been a better idea, considering how the brown cat had spoken to her.

"Poor Miss Haru," said a voice near him. It was a sweet, soft, female voice.

Turning sharply, Baron saw a white cat wearing a large pink ribbon around her neck. Her eyes were genuinely sad for the girl, though how much those eyes saw, the figurine was unsure – they were blue. In cats, only kittens and the blind had blue eyes.

"What did you say her name was?" he asked, trying to be casual.

The white cat turned those blue eyes on him, and Baron was certain in that instant that this cat was definitely not blind. No one who was blind could look at another like that, as though hope and memories were all they had left.

"Please, can you help Miss Haru? She must return to her world before dawn," the white cat implored, her delicate paws clinging to the sleeve of his coat.

"If you would be good enough to get me inside the palace, I will do my very best to help Miss Haru," answered Baron, gently removing himself from the grip of the cat. "My name is Baron Humbert von Gikkingken," he added.

"I am Yuki, and I can get you into the palace, I work there. Follow me, oh, but make haste!" she cried, setting off at a run through the cattails.

Baron had expected her to take the path, but she didn't. This Yuki set off at almost right angles to it. Following her though, Baron found himself being led down a less prominent path to the back of the castle.

This Yuki, it turned out, was a servant in the castle. She explained in hushed tones the situation as far as she knew it to the Baron as she guided him unerringly through the many halls and corridors of the Cat King's domain, and left him in the entertainer's waiting room while she left to tend to her duties.


	3. Chapter 3

Baron surveyed the other cats that waited to entertain their king, his court, and the new bride he had chosen for one of his sons. It was very quickly apparent to him that his attire – though excellent – was not suitable for what he was pretending to be.

Fortunately, there were spare costumes in one of the cupboards here. He quickly slipped something dramatic over the top of his simple, elegant attire, and selected a mask so that he would not instantly be recognised as a foreigner here. There was nothing he could do about his hands, but at least boots were fashionable enough that he needn't worry about the cats noticing his feet.

"Everybody into the banquet hall, and no eating!" It was the same annoying, splotchy-brown cat from before, Yuki said that he was called Natoru. Nevertheless, Baron did as ordered, following the other performers – keeping well to the back.

The king was grey, hairy, and sitting at the head table. His eyes were disturbing – one red, one blue – and he seemed to have an unfortunate squint, only squint wasn't the right word. It was like the old cat was cross-eyed, only the wrong way around, so that his eyes pointed away from each other, rather than in the same direction, which would have been normal.

To the right of the king was a line of tables, at the head of which sat a delicate pearl-grey feline, and down the length was filled with other cats much like her and the king. The queen and her offspring. The first seat beneath the queen, however, was empty.

Down the other side of the great banquet hall, apparently foreign dignitaries were seated. All of them cats. Egyptians, Italians, Chinese, Russians, and so on. Between them and the king's table was another, covered in food. Serving cats, Yuki included, were going to and from the food-laden table and the dining cats.

Baron couldn't see a human girl among all these cats, and surely, she ought to be obvious. He looked again. There was a beautiful, light brown cat sitting beside the king, tears glassing her brown eyes. She had longer, darker brown hair around her ears. The figurine couldn't help it – he stared. It had to be the girl, but what had happened?

Yuki had said something as they were running for the castle – Miss Haru would turn into a cat as she accepted it, as she felt comfortable in the Cat Kingdom. The dress probably had something to do with her current state; very probably, every girl dreamed of some day having a dress like that.

The king ordered entertainment. The Chinese acrobats were very good, but Miss Haru kept on crying, not even seeing. The cat throwing squid daggers was a flop, earning the fellow a flying trip out the window. Other performers came, and went, and the king finally lost his temper.

"Whoever's next better not _stink_ , got it?"

No one stepped forward; in fact, they all stepped back carefully, fearfully. It was now or never.

Bracing himself – after all, he had no plan – he stepped forward.

"Your Majesty, I promise that I shall make the young lady smile," he said, the merest idea being pounced upon. The king nodded and Baron moved to stand before the girl. "Excuse me, would you care to dance?"

"Oh no, I'm a meowsy dancer. Oh! No! Now I'm even starting to talk like a cat," she said trying to hide behind her delicate paws.

Baron extended his hand to her. He had never yet had a partner he could not make dance perfectly.

"Trust me," he said quietly.

He watched her look from his mask-covered face to his gloved hand. Something must have convinced her – perhaps it was that he had hands in a world where everyone, including her, had paws – because she took his hand and let him lead her out from behind the table.

The musicians started up, and he led her through some basic steps, then some more complicated ones.

"Believe in yourself, Miss Haru," he said, seeing the fear and doubt in her eyes. "Trust me, I'll guide you," dropping his voice, Baron added, with his mouth very close to her ear, "I'll help you escape too if you want."

The cat doll felt the girl relax in his hold, and as he led her through a dip, saw a hopeful smile flicker on her face.

"Please," she answered, her voice almost as quiet as his had been.

"Stop!" ordered the king, rising from his seat. The queen rose also and stood by her husband's side, supporting him, even if he was insane. "You're not from here, name yourself."

"I am Baron Humbert von Gikkingken, and I have come for Miss Haru," he said, dropping the borrowed plumed hat, removing the stolen mask and turning to face the king and his court. Baron was aware of Miss Haru throwing her arms around his chest, clinging to him. He wrapped a protective arm around the girl.

The queen looked him up and down. "He _is_ handsome," she conceded.

"He can't have her!" the king yelled. "Seize them!"


	4. Chapter 4

Khaki cats flowed through the doors, black cats escorted the king and his family out, an arm around the necks of the princes and king – the royal family were fighters, it seemed, and did not take readily to being made safe. The queen and her daughters, on the other paw, merely had to be asked, and they filed out calmly.

"Trust me?" he asked quietly, backing away from the khaki cats, throwing his mask at them – it spun like a boomerang, taking out six of them as it flew.

"Yep," she answered, not bothering to keep her voice down, she just clung to him, trying not to look.

Haru felt his arm slide from holding her shoulders protectively, to wrapping around her waist, picking her up. They were out the window and sailing down before the guards had time to stumble up from being whacked by a mask.

"Well that was frightening," Haru said, her tone matter of fact, when they reached the ground.

Baron had touched down surprisingly lightly, and gently put her down on the ground. Haru pulled off the dress the instant Baron let go of her, revealing that she was still wearing her own clothes underneath: a blue pleated skirt and a matching waistcoat over a white, short-sleeved shirt.

"So, how do we get out?" she asked, turning to see Baron doing much the same thing. Haru found herself privately agreeing with the queen, Baron _was_ handsome, and he could make her dance without breaking someone's toes.

When she got home, Haru determined to write this whole thing down in her dream-diary – she didn't keep any other kind – and she refused to think that her getting home was an _if_ rather than _when_ matter.

"That tower," Baron answered, pointing.

"These cats," said Haru, putting her paws on her hips in a very unhappy manner, "are completely nuts – and it's in the middle of a massive maze!"

This was very true. It was also very true that more cats in khaki green were heading their way along the tops of the maze walls.

"Probably to make sure we don't cheat," Baron said quietly.

"To make sure I don't get away," Haru quipped. She was getting altogether sick of these cats. Clearly, saving one their princes had been the biggest mistake of her life, right up there with being hypothetical around a cat that didn't know what that meant.

"Well, cats land on their feet," she muttered, brown eyes determined as she leapt into the maze.

Baron jumped after her. She was quite impressive – throwing Natoru into an alley, trusting him without ever having met him, now jumping on her own into a maze. Adding beauty to the mix as she did made her not only impressive, but irresistible.

They had been running for quite some time when two khaki cats blocked their path. Baron dispatched the quickly with his cane, inadvertently impressing Haru in turn. He nearly glowed with her praise, but they had to keep running.

"No you don't," Haru said savagely, sharply changing direction.

Just out of the corner of her eye, she had seen a bit of wall moving, and she went for it. Pouncing on it like a cat pounces upon a mouse, the wall fell forward beneath her.

There were twin expressions of surprise on Haru's face and Baron's as another wall gave way beneath Haru's first and then another, and another. The cat figurine felt compelled to mimic the praise Haru had given him not long before.

"Wow," he said.

They started running again. The fallen walls lead to the tower with surprising neatness. Haru reached the top of the first, smallest, flight of stairs, and stopped, almost gasping for breath.

"You go ahead, I need to breathe," she said, waving him on with a paw.

"You need to get home, and I can carry you," Baron answered, scooping Haru up in his arms again. Unlike Haru, Baron wasn't even breathing heavily, and continued up the spiralling stair with her in his arms as though she weighed no more than his cane – which he also still carried.

"I don't _want_ to be a princess of the Cat Kingdom! I don't _want_ to marry a cat – even if he is a prince! I didn't _want_ to be thanked _at all_ for saving that stupid cat from being hit by a truck, except to _maybe_ find a box of chocolate on my porch."

Her words came back to her as she stared at this cat, who wanted to help her, who was carrying her up the stair that wound around the tower. It was all true. She didn't want to be a cat princess, she didn't want to be a cat, or marry one, but…

Baron definitely had hands and feet, and he wore fine clothes. He wasn't exactly a cat, she didn't need to be told, and he wasn't a prince either. He also didn't seem to be motivated by her rescuing a cat. Which brought her to wonder about his motives – what could they be? Whiskers sprouted from her face.


	5. Chapter 5

"Just great," she muttered, pulling at them, pretending that she wasn't blushing. She had a pretty vivid imagination, and had come up with a whole truckload of reasons the Baron might be doing this for.

"You must believe in yourself, Miss Haru," Baron said, not slowing in his rapid climb. "Or you will become more like a cat, and forget who you were."

That sounded to Haru like a terrible fate, and as they neared the top of the tower she went over in her head every recent memory – school, Hiromi, Machida, her mother. She was just coming to the realisation that Machida wasn't as cool as she had thought when Baron put her down.

The stairs that circled the outside of the tower had come to an end. Now the stairs were inside the tower, Haru started running. She didn't want to think about anything any more, her thoughts were strange and counter-productive.

Baron was close behind her, then the floor was suddenly _not_ under her feet, and the sound of an explosion reached her ears.

Sheer terror and pulsing fury vied for dominance within her – they were still fighting when her head hit the next level of stairs. Haru scrambled out and felt herself falling up at the same time as she felt herself falling down – the tower was going down faster than she was. _The exit is coming closer_.

She kept going. She had to.

Baron looked down, shocked at the destruction, and then he looked up and was even more shocked to see Haru still running for the exit. Half the time, he could see, it looked like she was running on nothing more substantial than air.

He felt the tower land just as Haru grabbed onto some stairs, four flights up from him. She was dangling by her paws, and slipping. He ran. He was just in time to catch her around the waist so that she fell nearly no distance when her claws finally lost their purchase.

They nearly fell together over the edge of the stairs, but Baron managed to overbalance backwards, so they fell onto the stairs instead of off them.

"Miss Haru, are you alright?" Baron asked, shifting under her so that he was almost sitting, rather than lying underneath her. His bright green eyes were concerned as he took her by the shoulders and rolled her over so that he could look at her.

"Uncle Humbert," she said, her voice tiny as a memory unrolled in her shaken mind. "I know how to break the curse."

Baron scooped the girl up in his arms gently, his heart thudding in his chest – he knew this child. He wasn't her uncle, but he had been a good friend to her mother, to her mother's mother, to their family, for so long, that they all called him Uncle Humbert.

That heavy old book he had taken down earlier that day – now he knew why it was familiar, even though he couldn't remember it: it was the story of how he had been cursed, all those millennia ago, a time he had long forgotten. He had been a doll for so long, that he failed to remember the time before, when he was human.

He hadn't visited for such a long time, ten years; it was no wonder he hadn't recognised her – or her him – immediately. He had to get her to the exit, just because she was a Yoshioka. Breaking his curse didn't matter nearly so much; he was used to being a doll after all.

She was an angelic child in his arms, and he ran with her, any feelings of wanting her banished. He couldn't feel that way about her any more, it was impossible. It wasn't a moral thing, it was a change of perspective – he loved her as a doting relation loves a child, not as a man loves a woman.

He reached the top of the tower and climbed out, Haru still in his arms. This quickly became impractical, as Haru slowly returned to her own human size and shape.

"That does it," Haru said, standing up and looking about, her temper returning now that she was beginning to recover from banging her head on the wall when she landed on Baron – she hadn't hit her head hard, but it had shaken her. "Uncle Humbert, one of the Yoshioka family have to kiss you, that will break the curse, but it isn't me. Now, I don't care any more," Haru jumped.

The top of the tower came out in the human world, and it was still a little before dawn, but they were closer to the clouds than the ground. Baron lunged after Haru, even if she was ready to throw her life away, he didn't want to lose her like that; not after all they had just been through.

"Toto!" he called, hoping his friend would hear him and come.

The crow appeared, his flock with him. Toto caught the cat-man-doll neatly on his feathered back and instructed his extremely extended family to catch the girl and help her safely to the ground.

"Been looking for you all night, Baron," Toto said, just hanging in an updraught. "You usually say where you're going when you go out at night. How'd you get so high up, and who's the girl?"

"Haru Yoshioka, we just escaped the Cat Kingdom," explained Baron, answering the second question first.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear reader, do you need to be told that Haru landed safely? Do you need to be told that her mother, who was also called Haru (the 20th, her daughter was the 21st Haru), was so relieved to see her that she cried? Do you need to be told that it was the kiss of the mother that broke Baron's curse? Her husband had run out on her when their daughter was born – it was a sad family tradition – their own curse. 'Uncle Humbert' was the only male in the family, and he had his own curse.

Baron Humbert von Gikkingken was human again.

Do you need to be told, dear reader, that every member of the Yoshioka family – except young Haru – had fallen completely in love with Baron, and he with each of them? Do you need to be told that he broke the Yoshioka curse by marrying the older Haru? Do you need to be told that they had a son?

No, but you would probably like to know what became of the cats, yes? Lune, the cat prince young Haru had saved, declared that he wanted to marry Yuki, and would fight any of his brothers who wanted to bring Haru back and marry her. He was the finest fighter of them all, and married Yuki peacefully, knowing that none of his family would ever again bother the Yoshioka's. It was good news for them too.

The End.


End file.
